Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
