Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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