I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
