Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
