Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I met the friendliest cop last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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