i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
