Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
