Your dad touched me again.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
