how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
