We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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