oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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