I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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