I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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