OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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