Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
