what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
