His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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