Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
