No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Shitshow foam night was such a success
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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