I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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