it wasn't lemon gatorade
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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