I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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