this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
