Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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