We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
