Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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