it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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