she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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