he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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