so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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