On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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