i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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