i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
