I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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