apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
