Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
