I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
