im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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