your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
