i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
