how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
