never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
