She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
