just come out here and I will go home with you...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
