plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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