found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
