you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize