he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
