Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
