trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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