no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
