Cold hands, warm shart.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
