Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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