Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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