i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
